Survival Mode

Taking care of a baby is hard. Taking care of a toddler is hard. Here are my mom hacks that developed while in survival mode.

What is survival mode? It is when a parent does whatever needs to be done to survive the day, or the meal, or the outing, or whatever. When you are trying to leave the house and already running late and your toddler starts taking her clothes off, you jump into survival mode. When you barely slept because your baby woke up three times and your toddler ended up in your bed at 3 AM, you jump into survival mode. When all you want to do is sit on the couch with a snack in peace so you really need your kid to nap, you jump into survival mode.

Survival mode usually involves doing the things that non-parents or first time parents would gasp at. But guess what, if your kid is not in danger and it gives mom some itty bitty part of her sanity back, then do what you need to do to survive this thing called “motherhood”

Screen Time.

Screen time gives me the chance to drink my coffee mostly uninterrupted. It lets me sit down and snuggle my girl for a little bit instead of chasing her out of my kitchen where she is dragging chairs to climb onto countertops to get snacks out of the cabinets. It lets me cook lunch, it lets me nurse my baby. I’ll just say it. I love screen time.

Cue the research saying screen time is bad and your kid won’t talk and they’ll have   ADHD and all that. First of all, the APA changed their screen-time recommendation to include more time. Also, my 2.5 year old talks (a lot…nonstop) and does not have ADHD or ADD. In fact, screen time has taught her some awesome things (thanks Daniel Tiger) like how to communicate her feelings.

Suckers or any other sweet. 

Toddler won’t get dressed? “I’ll give you a sucker…” Doesn’t want to leave the house? “I’ll give you a sucker…”.  I’m sure some parents have perfectly behaved toddlers who would not dare challenge their authority. I, however, have a stubborn, independent little girl who tests me at every chance she gets. So guess what, it is either fight with a 2 year old for 20 minutes to get her to put her pants on to get in the car (and fighting with a 2 year old NEVER works) or give her a sucker and be out the door in 5. I choose my battles, and sometimes the sucker wins.

Car rides.

When I was pregnant and had to take care of a toddler, trying to get her to nap in her toddler bed was exhausting. So I started planning my errands so that we would be in the car heading home at nap time, and my daughter would fall asleep. I’d carry her upstairs and then I got to sit my big pregnant ass on the couch and rest my sore feet. It was SO much easier. And if I didn’t have any errands? I still used the car. It was much easier to get her to fall asleep that way, while I sit driving in the front listening to some music. This is a great hack, and I still use it. Will it develop bad habits? I don’t know, she goes to bed at night just fine.

Wine. 

I know, its so cliche to be a mom who drinks wine. Guess what, I’m basic. IDC. Wine reminds me that I am an adult and I deserve nice things (while still wearing the shirt that got spit up on 3 hrs earlier). Cheers mamas.

What Baby # 2 Teaches You

My second baby is only 2 1/2 months old, here are the lessons I’ve learned so far:

1. Just because you have done this before, doesn’t mean anything is going to be the same. My pregnancy was much different the second time, and by different I mean worse. Luckily, my delivery was different as well. Even though I was induced with both, and had an epidural with both, my second was a MUCH easier delivery. My first epidural didn’t really work, labor was only 5 hours and I pushed for 45 minutes, I felt everything. This time my epidural did work, and the feeling in my legs was almost enough for me to swear off an epidural for my next baby, until I pushed and felt nothing. No pain, and I actually got to enjoy the moment they put my second daughter on my chest after pushing for 5 minutes. I’m not kidding…5 minutes.

Even nursing was different. I nursed my first for 10 months. She couldn’t latch and I had to use a nipple shield for 3 months. This baby latched on like a pro, which in return really made my nipples sore.

2. The goods are double the goodness. Not only do you love your new tiny little nugget, but you get to see your first love your tiny little nugget. And then you love both your tiny little nuggets with your whole heart and just want to explode with all the love!

3. And the bads are double the bad. Nursing a newborn and chasing a toddler is exhausting. Listening to a crying baby and a tantruming toddler can take its’ toll. Going anywhere out of the house takes an hour just to get the kids in the car (and your toddler to get dressed).

4. Which means “Mom breaks” are extra important. I used to get all the relaxation I needed while my first took her 2-3 hour nap in the afternoon. I’d make lunch and eat it slowly and quietly while catching up on TV. When I first brought my second home, honestly it wasn’t that hard because she slept all the time. The older she gets the more she wants to snuggle mama, cute I know. But when it gets to 2 months of constantly being touched, I am the kind of person who needs alone time to recharge. Weekly, if not daily.

5. Our parents don’t remember anything. My oldest is 2 1/2 years old and the things I was sure I’d remember I can’t. Or I think I do but would not bet my life on it. So when the older generations say things like “my kids never did this…”,  or something like that, just know that they don’t actually remember what their kids did.

6. Dates with Hubby are needed. Before baby #2, hubby and I didn’t feel like we NEEDED date night, because our daughter was in bed by 7 and then we cooked dinner together and talked, watched a movie, etc. Now, the oldest is in bed and one of us is holding #2 while the other cooks dinner. I never missed him like this with just our first, but baby #2 is making me crave date time with hubby.

7. Everything I worried about with #1 is a breeze with #2. I don’t worry about her getting enough breastmilk, or how long it has been since she ate (she goes 5 hours all the time, she’s fine). I do check on her still randomly in the night to see if she’s breathing, but I had awful anxiety about SIDS with my first. I think now I’m just too tired to let my anxiety creep into my brain and wake me up. Mama needs sleep.

8. As tiring as it is, I am a baby person. Handling all these things and still know for sure I want baby #3. Not everyone loves the baby stage, and I get it. I just happen to like it, the toddler age on the other hand…is a love-hate relationship. 🙂

The Vegan Inconvenience

There is a major factor that vegan naysayers forget, and that some vegans do not want to admit: transitioning to a vegan lifestyle is inconvenient. While this sounds negative, it is actually a valuable fact that can help show the truth behind veganism.

In the year of 2017, this generation has access to a lot of information; research studies,  doctor recommendations, news outlets, all at the tips of our fingers. Which is why it is easy for someone to defend their position on something, for example, giving toddlers cow’s milk, because they can pull up a nutritionist or a doctor online that says this is what toddlers need to consume to grow and develop. Someone who likes the color green can pull up a study showing that people who prefer green are smarter. Anyone can justify their preferences, their lifestyle, by some sort of “proof”.

The issue, however, is that it is a justification. People choose how they want to live their lives, how they want to raise their kids, and then are attracted to the evidence that points to them being right. People want to be assured that they are making the right decision and instead of researching the options, they find the proof that what they want to do and what is most convenient is the right choice, or at least not the wrong one.

Cue veganism. When someone decides to go vegan it literally changes their world. Whether they go cold turkey like I did, or transition slowly, it is a learning process about what food you can and cannot eat, what products you can and cannot buy. In addition to figuring out an entirely new way to feed their body, they have to learn how to deal with criticism, and decide how they want to handle the never ending jokes.

Going vegan is inconvenient. It requires work, research, and thick skin. So why do it? Why are so many people making this change? If it is that much work, why is it worth it?

People do not go vegan and then find studies to show it is the right choice, people bump into the truth about what meat and dairy products do to our bodies, and the truth about how animals are treated just because people like bacon, and this truth is so life-changing on its’ own, that it causes someone to literally rearrange their world in an inconvenient way to better themselves, better the lives of animals, and better the environment.

Binky Baby

Whether to give a baby a binky or not is one of the hot topics among parents (and non-parents). Everyone has an opinion whether they prefer no binky ever, or no binky passed a certain age, or binky whenever, wherever, for however long.

I didn’t go into motherhood with an opinion on this, but as my research continued with each month and the new steps that came along with my growing baby, I continued to see the benefits of having a “binky baby”. Sucking is a normal reflex for babies, and if a binky isn’t there they may just suck their fingers, same idea but a binky can be taken away.

As a newborn, my daughter spit the binky out for the first few days (weeks? I can’t even remember), but I kept on giving it to her because research shows that a binky for a newborn reduces the risk of SIDS. https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/baby/sleep/Pages/Preventing-SIDS.aspx. (For the record, I also used it right away, with zero issues with it interfering with breastfeeding.)

Then she hit four months old and we transitioned her to her crib, and the binky was soothing to her. It was also soothing sometimes during the day, which gave my nipples a break from the last 3 months of newborn nursing.

Then at 6-7 months, when we decided to sleep train, the book we used “Sleep Solutions” recommends a baby having other soothing objects (besides the parents) to help them fall asleep. A binky helped soothe her to sleep and continues to do so even today.

In public or at home, if she started crying or getting frustrated, the binky always helped calm her down, which was especially nice after I stopped nursing and didn’t have my boobs as that helpful tool anymore. So when will I take it away? Well, everything says not to do so during a time of transition. Since she turned two-years-old, a short four months ago, we potty trained, transitioned to a toddler bed, and are welcoming home a new sibling. All big transitions. And toddler tantrums…man oh man. They are awful especially when she is tired, and once she pops that binky in her mouth, her eyes start to close and the tantrum is over. That’s a resource I’m not willing to give up just yet since it is no harm to her health or well-being.

Since the binky has not affected her speech (homegirl is a chatterbox) and will NOT affect her teeth until she is four-years-old, I see no reason to rock her world until she is closer to three. https://www.ada.org/~/media/ADA/Publications/Files/patient_77.pdf?la=en.

Is she attached to it? Hell yes. Do I see it as a problem? No. Will this next baby have a binky? HELL YES. 

A 2nd Pregnancy Positive

It’s been a majority consensus that the second pregnancy just sucks. It probably has something to do with the fact that you can’t rest when you want to or need to because you have a little one running around already, but whatever the reason, this baby bump has made me more tired, more sick, more achey, more emotional, than my first.

But something occurred to me the other day, and I realized what a great positive it is for a second pregnancy.

No one has told me what’s going to happen to my body, or my life.

Here are a few things I was told during my first pregnancy:

1. You won’t be so skinny after a baby.

I was actually told this at my wedding too, that after I have a baby I won’t be the same size as my wedding dress. Sure it is true that I do not work out as much as I did before having a baby, but weight management is more diet than exercise, and I like to consider myself a healthy eater.

2.  That line on your stomach will never go away.

It did.

3.  If you are induced you are going to be in labor all day. 

I was induced on my due date, by choice, and I was in labor for 5 hours total. I’d do it all over again.

4. Your wedding ring probably won’t fit anymore.

It does.

5. Say goodbye to….(sooo many things)

This is a common phrase, and I can’t even remember every word that followed the start of that statement, but I eventually got sleep, my husband and I still get alone time (Netflix & chill), I still get my hair and nails done.

So with this being baby #2, people don’t tell me these things anymore, because I am not a new parent.

But to the new parents, let me assure you, someone else’s experiences ARE NOT YOURS. Everyone’s body is different, everyone’s situation is different. Do not let others tell you what your life is about to be like, you create your own world 🙂 .

The ONLY thing that I can say for sure, is that yes, your world does change. It changes for the  most amazing, beautiful thing in the most miraculous way. ❤

 

 

 

To My Daughter, On Your Birthday

To my baby girl,

How have these past two years flown by and at the same time felt like forever? Two years is not a long time, but I can’t even remember my world without you in it. I have spent every moment since the day you were born thinking about you, worrying about you, loving you, making sure that I do not take any moment with you for granted, and I have loved every minute of the life you gave me.

You are truly the biggest blessing, most amazing gift, and you have given me so many gifts in return. You helped me see what life is all about, that it doesn’t matter what my job title is, that any worry I had before you came cannot compare to the worry that being responsible for a child brings. That any love I felt before you were born cannot compare to the overwhelming joy you have brought into my heart.

You are smart, you are strong, you are independent, you are beautiful. I promise to do my very best to keep you that way, to not let the next 20 years of your life change those qualities.

My squish, my love, my homegirl, you make my world go ’round. Your tiny voice is the best alarm clock I have ever had, even when it goes off at 5:30am. Your bright eyes and contagious smile are the biggest weakness I have.

I thank God for you every night, still in disbelief of how blessed my life has been since I saw your face.

Happy Birthday baby girl,

Mama loves you, always and forever.

My Nursing Craziness

I nursed my daughter for 10 months, and I am so looking forward to nursing baby #2 since I won’t be in the new mom frazzled state of mind and know what to expect, I know that nursing is hard, and that it sucks, especially in the beginning.

I tend to see a lot of “if nursing is hard for you just stop….fed is best” talk. And this is not to disagree with that, or shame anyone for formula feeding, or for nursing for less time than me. This is simply to show my struggles, how I got through them, and to encourage those moms who are nursing and want to continue through the rough patches.

Latching.

The first nursing problem I encountered was in the hospital, first trying to feed my baby girl. She would not latch, and it wasn’t her fault. I am not blessed with the best, shall we say…faucets to nurse. Because of that her tiny mouth just couldn’t grab hold good enough to get some milk in her belly. So lactation gave me a nipple guard and it saved the day.

But…nipple guards.

I had to use them for 3 months until she could latch on her own. This made nursing in public harder. You have to lick the shield to get it to stick, it can pool with milk which can spill and your baby can rip it off and then you have to re-attach it. I was already experiencing anxiety with nursing in public so this did not help. But I used a cover for my own comfort and to make me feel less rushed to get the nipple guard back in place and baby back on, and I planned out where I was going to be when she needed to nurse. I stuck it out, because eventually, baby only nurses 3 times a day, and by then, she was off the guard and going about my day was no big deal.

Baby  blues.

The first two weeks home as a new mom are SO emotional. It is called “baby blues” and something like 80% of women experience it. Constant crying, whether it is because you love your baby, because you realize your life is completely changed and that scares you, because it is getting dark out and you know you are about to get no sleep and you are the sole provider of nourishment for your baby. As much as it sucks, the baby blues are normal, and really do pass. But it makes nursing harder. I cried to my husband saying I hope I can even make it nursing till 6 weeks when my goal was the first year.

Nursing In Public.

Everyone seems to have an opinion about it. I nursed in the booth of a restaurant, in bathrooms, in my car, the women’s lounge of Nordstrom’s was a favorite. I always brought a cover but at some point your baby is aware enough to get annoyed and pull it off. Plus nursing makes you warm, and a cover makes you warmer and your baby warm. Using a nipple guard makes nursing take longer since the baby doesn’t get as much at a time, but once she didn’t need that to latch, you pop your baby on for 10 minutes every 4-5 hours and you are good.  Like I said, I had anxiety about it, but it eased with time, and let me tell you, baby #2 will be fed wherever the hell I am. IDGAF 🙂

Milk Supply.

At 3 months my daughter completely rejected one boob. It made less, and miss smarty pants was stubborn and only wanted the good milk maker. So after a few months of nursing off only one boob, I called lactation, convinced she wasn’t getting enough milk. I went in, they have you bring your baby hungry, they weigh them and then  you nurse and they weigh them again to tell you how many oz your baby just got, and shocker, she was fine. I never supplemented, just watched her grow and trusted my body.

Pumping.

I HATE PUMPING. It’s just sooo tedious. So when I introduced baby cereal, I attempted to pump to mix my milk with the cereal, and I did a few times. But I gave in and used organic soy only for her cereal. Nursing doesn’t have to be all or nothing.

Bottles.

My daughter honestly had zero problems with bottles. About 2 weeks after we came home from the hospital I took a mommy trip to go get my hair done, and I left a bottle of pumped milk with my husband. So she was introduced early on to a bottle nipple, took to it totally fine while still nursing totally fine, honestly I think the nipple guard helped with this.

Getting Dressed.

Yes, your boobs need to be accessible for situations. But it really isn’t that hard once you get used to it. Instead of wearing nursing tops, I started layering a came underneath my shirts. Pull the second shirt up, pull your boob out of the top of the cami, and bam, you can nurse your baby (and the top and bottom of your boobs are covered, if you are worried about that).

Drinking.

The rule of thumb is that if you can drive you can nurse. I didn’t drink the first three months, I was always cautious because it does not take very much for me to get drunk. But once her feedings were spaced out, and we stopped night nursing, I enjoyed a drink or two on occasion.

Night feeding.

My doctor said 11 lbs or 5 months, a baby can go all night with no nursing. Lactation told me to wait until 6 months to sustain my milk supply, so at 6 months, when she would wake up at 2-3am, I sent daddy in, and he rocked her and snuggled her back to sleep. Took about 3 nights of that for her to no longer wake up at that time for a feeding. I found if I went in there, she knew what I had and would cry more if she didn’t get it, so daddy was the solution and it worked for us.

Now, there are a few things that in general helped me get through 10 months of nursing. One main thing was how quickly my baby calmed down nursing. Especially as a newborn, if she was fussing and we just did not know why, popping her on always did the trick. She’d fall asleep, or nurse a bit and calm down. Another is research, I read so many articles on the science of nursing, and it is truly amazing. Like how your milk literally knows what your baby needs at that time, like if they are sick, your milk changes its’ composition to each feeding to fit your baby’s needs.

Every mom should make whatever feeding decision is right for her, but if you are nursing and struggling, I hope this can help in some way. It gets better, and easier, and honestly ends up being the lazier option to a bottle (yes, nursing uses your energy, I know, but I’d rather use that energy parked on the couch versus cleaning bottles, that’s just me and my laziness).

New Years Resolution

Usually my new years resolution revolves something health related: work out more, eat more greens, but not this year.

This year, my inspiration to “better” myself, comes from a sorority sister who passed away just a few days before Christmas.

I was not close with her in college, and we did not keep in touch after graduation, but I always thought of her fondly. She was fun, and kind, and beautiful. She was diagnosed with cancer at 25, and wrote a blog about her experience. Her words are captivating, you cannot help but read everything she ever posted.

After reading her posts, and seeing all the amazing words our sisters shared about her, I can’t help but hope to be more like her.

It is easy to complain. I had been in law school for about 4 years, not entirely sure that it is was I want to do with my life, I found out I have fertility issues at 25 years old, being a stay-at-home-mom can be stressful, and pregnant with baby number two can make you afraid of the stress of #2, and of course, the lovely experience of being pregnant (sarcasm). I can complain about getting older, and how fast time seems to be going.

But this woman, she wanted four kids that she will never get to have. She will never turn 30, or get to grow old.

Yet, even with the sad news she received at such a young age, her words held a positive vibe. She stayed strong in her faith, which is such an amazing thing during such a hard time.

I think about her from two view points: as a peer, and as a mother. She was just a year older than me, so young, so full of life. The cliche that life is short might sound corny to say but it is true. None of us are ever guaranteed tomorrow, so every day that I wake up healthy and breathing, is a blessing that I will try not to take for granted. Even those days where Audrey and I are stuck in the house in our pajamas all day is a gift from God that I will try to appreciate more. Even those days where I cannot wait for my husband to come home so I can sit my pregnant ass on the couch and relax, I will try to remember how lucky I am to have a toddler running around and a new baby on the way.

I also think about her as a mom. My daughter is almost 2, and a healthy, fun loving little girl. I cannot imagine if 23 years from now, we found out she had cancer. On the days where she wakes up early, I think about what her mother would give to relive the days where she was a healthy little baby calling for her from her crib.

So my New Years Resolution is to complain less, be more positive, and strengthen my relationship with God. To be more like my sorority sister, to have a special zest for life. To have more joyous moments, to realize how lucky I am every single day. These are big shoes to fill, and I can only try my best, but she is a great example to live up to.

And Then There Were Two

I have always planned on having more than one child. I used to say I wanted 4, since I am 1 of 4 and love my big family, but I knocked one kid off and now say I want 3. So when hubby and I started talking about baby number 2, it was exciting, and scary, but mostly exciting.

Somehow, everything with baby number two worked out exactly as planned, which was a totally different experience than getting pregnant with my daughter who took a long time to happen. We wanted our kids no more than 3 years apart, and our first month of trying got us pregnant. Our kids will be 2 1/2 years apart, just as we hoped.

So after the first week of initial shock and awe that this all happened so quickly and so easily, the “mom guilt” kicked in.

Since I only have 1 child, I have only experienced my “mom guilt” with her. Feeling guilty when I’m tired and feel like I need a break, guilty when she had a fever and I was downtown at class, guilty about the days her lunch came from the freezer,     guilty about the fact that Mickey Mouse is on right now so I can type this out.

But my first few weeks of being pregnant, I felt the guilt for not only my daughter, but my new baby.

As a stay-at-home-mom, my daughter is my life. Every decision about my day revolves around her. All my energy and time is for her. And another baby will change all that.

So I felt guilty about the fact that my days would no longer be just me and my little girl. And guilty about how being pregnant was making me extra tired and sick and affecting my days with my daughter.

And then I felt guilty for this new baby, who was tiny and growing and was going to love me and depend on me as a mom, and all I could think about was my first baby instead of day-dreaming about snuggling this new one.

I knew how much I’d love this new baby, and I knew how great a sibling will be for my daughter, but in the moment, all I felt was guilt. Well, guilt and nausea, and fatigue.

Luckily, I have sisters and friends who have already had their second baby, and hearing they felt the same was such a relief. Now, 15 weeks into my pregnancy, those feelings have subsided. I no longer feel like my moments alone with my daughter are fleeting. All I can think about is what an amazing big sister my little girl will be, and how nice it will be to snuggle a newborn again.

I cannot wait for my new little nugget to get here, and am even more sure that a baby #3 is in our future.

 

 

Republican Values

I am a Republican. I will raise my daughter with Republican values, and since the loudest of liberals seem to have blurred what those values are, I would like to share what they are to me and what that means for my family.

First of all, the most offensive thought is that a Republican is racist, antifeminist, etc. etc. I was raised, and will raise my daughter, to love and be kind to all people.

I will teach my daughter that it does not matter what color someone’s skin is, or what their sexual orientation is, what country they come from, or what gender they identify with. Every single person deserves kindness, and I will not tolerate her bullying anyone for any reason.

I will also teach her to defend herself. Be nice to others but if someone attacks her verbally or physically I hope my daughter will stand up for herself, and that her voice will not shake but be strong.

I will teach my daughter that life starts at conception. And because of this, I will talk openly with her about sex and protection. I will not expect her to wait for marriage, but hope she waits for love. I will be sure she understands that if an “oops” happened and she did end up pregnant, that I will be here for her. I will help her get on her feet and adjust to motherhood, and I will help her with her baby and her finances.

I will teach my daughter to work hard for what she wants. That admission to a great college means working hard in high school, and winning a race means dedication to training. That becoming financially comfortable means working and saving her money. I will teach her that she is not entitled to these things.

I will teach her that there are consequences for her actions. That she doesn’t get to break a rule or a law and then be upset that she is in trouble.

I will teach her that God has a plan. That sometimes life isn’t fair, but we as individuals can only control so much, but there is always faith and hope that everything will work out.

I will teach her to respect herself, respect others, and to demand others respect her.

I will teach her how great it is to be a woman and that no one should underestimate her.

I will teach her to think for herself and to question authority. In a world full of liberal college professors, I hope she can listen to what they have to say, and decide for herself where her ideologies lie.

I will teach her that family is the most important thing. That it doesn’t matter what job you have, or how much money you make, but the people you surround yourself with will make your world go round.

Once she is old enough, I will tell her that we have a gun in the house. I will make sure she knows how to use it and when to use it. I will teach her that a gun is not a toy, and is solely for the purpose of someone attacking us in our home, and that we can and should defend our lives.

I will teach her to always show respect to police officers, fireman, and men and women who have served our country. I will tell her how these people dedicate their lives to protect ours.

I will teach her to respect our country, no matter who the President is.